could someone fix my essay for me please, proof-read?

Question

Future of Education

How do we educate our children to take their place in the economies of the 21st century? Evan though we can't anticipate what the economy will look like at the end of next week. The future is a mystery to everyone. Some people would argue that the future is bright because modern technology will soon be able to solve most problems in our education system. Other people think that modern technology will bring about the destruction of the world.

The responsibilities for the formal preparation of students for education in the future are dynamic and diverse. What priorities are most important for the future of the South African education system?
The mission statements of most of the schools in South Africa as well as the aims are very thorough, but they lack the understanding of the information age. They do not mention technology or the future ahead.
The change to the culture of the classroom environment with the introduction of technology is a serious matter to look at. Overall the introduction of technology in the classroom is a great benefit to students, giving them access to word processing applications, as well and access to the World Wide Web and CD-ROM's. This large amount of knowledge flowing from the computer to the brains of the students is very overwhelming. Students will have to learn how to sift through this large amount of information to find what is important, trust worthy and also most importantly, relevant. The importance of information technology literacy in the information age is a vital life skill. In order to be able to handle and access information a student will need to have the ability to use a computer well. If a student has not had experience with computers, it will seriously disadvantage them in their study as well and the classroom environment. The role of technologies distance education is an exciting and interesting topic. Information can be sent and delivered in seconds, which breaches the gap between teachers and students. There are always new products becoming available to help in the advancement and ease of distance education. One major problem with the use of technology is the cost element.

The classroom of the future will be a lot different than the traditional classroom that previous generations have grown up with. The reason for this is that the students will be learning the theory but they will also be learning how to use this theory to solve real-life problems.437

Answer 1

I've gone through and changed mistakes where I see them. Please read through it so you can see where you've had small problems. Your paragraphs are fine, so ignore my separation. I've also added some notes at the end of a few of the sentences, so be sure to look over them.





How do we educate our children to take their place in the economies of the 21st century?



Even though we cannot anticipate what the economy will look like at the end of next week.

------> 'Even though' doesn't seem to flow at all. By using 'even though', you've led onto a sentence that should have a circumstance and a 'but' part. For example: Even though Sam loves blue, he chose the red jumper. I think, in this instance, simply saying 'We cannot anticipate....end of next week' will be fine.





The future is a mystery to everyone. Some people would argue that the future is bright because modern technology will soon be able to solve most problems in our education system. Others believe that modern technology will bring about the destruction of the world.



The responsibilities for the formal preparation of students for education in the future are dynamic and diverse. What priorities are most important for the future of the South African education system?





The mission statements and aims of most of the schools in South Africa are very thorough, however they lack in understanding of the information age. They do not mention technology or the future ahead.



The change to the culture of the classroom environment with the introduction of technology is a serious matter to look at. Overall, the introduction of technology in the classroom is a great benefit to students, giving them access to word processing applications as well as access to the World Wide Web and CD-ROMs.



This vast amount of knowledge flowing from the computer to the brains of the students is extremely overwhelming.



Students will have to learn how to sift through this large amount of information to find what is important, trust worthy and also, fundamentally, relevant.



The importance of information technology literacy in the information age is a vital life skill.



In order to be able to handle and access information, a student will need to have the ability to use a computer well. - I don't like the phrasing of this sentence. Perhaps 'In order to be able to handle and access information, a student will be required to be highly capable of computer usage'.



If a student has not had experience with computers, it will seriously disadvantage them in their study as well as the classroom environment.



The role of technologies distance education is an exciting and interesting topic.

---------> Did you mean 'The role of technology in distance education...'? If so, then it's fine.



Information can be sent and delivered in seconds, breaching the gap between teachers and students.



There are always new products becoming available to help in the advancement and ease of distance education. One major problem with the use of technology is the cost element.

-------------> You might want to elaborate on the 'cost element'. If you have a set word limit, and you've reached it already, don't worry about it, but it might be something to look at.



The classroom of the future will be eminently different to the traditional classroom of past generations. The reason for this is that the students will not only be learning the theory: they will be learning how apply this theory to solve real-life problems.





=============> Several times you've written 'as well and' instead of 'as well as'. The former is not a language convention and doesn't make much sense. Be sure to write 'as well as'. It's not a big deal, but it's something that is easy to fix and will prevent the unnecessary loss of marks. Overall, your writing is fantastic. Your essay flows well and you've used some great vocabulary. I'd suggest you try and expand on a few ideas to flesh out the essay even more.



- Ella :)

Answer 2

1st line: Even, not evan. Also, the expression "even though" does not link properly to the sentence that follows. Perhaps you could say: "We can't even anticipate what the economy will look like at the end of next week; the future is a mystery to everyone".

4th line: Other people, however, think that modern.... Use however to show contrast in order to make your argument look stronger.



2nd paragraph, 3rd line: "The aims and mission statements of the majority of the schools in South Africa are very thorough, but..."



"Overall, the introduction... " (comma is missing)

"as well AS access to the World Wide Web"

"CD-ROMs , not CD-ROM's. It's not possessive, it's plural.

"trustworthy", one word.

"and most importantly", the word "also" is not needed

"If a student has not had experience with computers, he or she will be seriously disadvantaged both in his or her study and classroom environment"

"one major problem with the use of technology is the cost"

"the classroom of the future will differ a lot from the traditional classrooms of previous generations"

The reason for this is that students will be learning the theory, but they will also be learning...." (punctuation)

Answer 3

It can be very well written. The imagery you employ to explain the sorroundings of the airplane and actions you do are very fitting, notably for a reader who might now not have flown before. I've flown to spain with my classification before and you truly made me relive that second in basic terms using phrases. Besides that, the piece (up to now) flows very well and makes me need to preserve reading. Maintain up the great work. * I didn't relatively focus on spelling mistakes nevertheless it all appears beautiful sound besides for that very last paragraph. Some durations appear unecessary. If you happen to read it for yourself, that you can think it's sort of robotic-like reading. Don't take anything I mentioned too significantly since i am by no means a legit or something. I am simply seeking to give an sincere opinion =)