Is my introductory paragraph good or bad ... how would you rate it out of 10 and any suggestions to improve?

Question

This is the rough copy introductory paragraph for a history essay in which I need to argue that Alexander the Great can be considered a "Great Person" of history, based on Thomas Carlyle's "Great Man" theory. If anyone takes the time to read through this and tell me what they think, I will greatly appreciate it + 10 points =)

Ruthless, ambitious, and triumphant, Alexander the Great was a potent Greek leader whose leadership, conquests and lasting legacy shaped the course of history. His actions and the subsequent effects of them signify his merit as one of a select few “Great Persons” of history. Alexander was the son of Philip II of Macedon, a successful northern Greek leader who conquered the southern Greek city-states and united them under one kingdom, the great kingdom of Macedonia. Upon Philip’s assassination, Alexander succeeded his father to the throne at the young age of twenty. He would go on to lead expansive conquests of foreign lands, creating one of the largest empires of the time. His leadership and empire building was so potent that upon his death, the Greco-Roman world would be radically altered as a direct result of Alexander’s death. Greek culture was spread throughout the Near East, dubbed by historians as a period of “Hellenization” during the post-Alexander Hellenistic period, which would help pave the way for the Roman Empire. In the course of history, the empire Alexander created may not have lasted long, but his legacy prevails to this day. His conquests and military tactics did not become mere incidents of times past, but would go on to be studied and admired by successive “Great Persons” of history such as Pompey and Napoleon. His enduring legacy, the culture his fellow Greeks imported into his vast empire, and Alexander’s successful conquests are still studied by historians to this day, asserting his standing as a truly “Great Person” of history.

Answer 1

You want to introduce the Great Man theory in your introductory paragraph and briefly explain how Alexander fulfills the criteria it establishes; otherwise your essay will only be a recounting of the deeds he performed. Explain what makes men great, then establish your claim that Alexander fits the mold and briefly explain why. In later paragraphs you can expand on the specific actions that made him a "great man of history".

Answer 2

Okay so intro paragraph is simple( only about 5 sentences) and shouldn't tell the whole summary..

Ruthless, ambitious, and triumphant, Alexander the Great was a potent Greek leader. He lead expansive conquests of foreign land and created one of the largest empires of the time. His leadership, conquests, and lasting legacy shaped the course of history. His actions and the subsequent effects of them signify his merit as one of the select few "Great Persons" of history.

Since the sentences are longer this might be ideal..also remember that the intro doesn't need to explain it all just introduce the main idea.

7/10-included main idea- too long but at least had more than enough info

Answer 3

Great Introduction Paragraph

Answer 4

The only tip I have for you, as an English major and a future English teacher: less is more. You're using random facts (stuff that your teacher likely already knows) as space filler. Either take this information and put it into body paragraphs elsewhere in your paper or nix it entirely. Essays should all start broad, get narrower and more specific, and then grow broad again in the conclusion.

Answer 5

A+