Proof read? Please=)?

Question

so this is my almost finished cause and effect paper on religion.
any comments on it?
if you see something wrong, point it out please?!
I'll give points=)
Presbyterianism
Presbyterianism is one of the many branches of Christianity. This religion was formed during the Protestant Reformation in the sixteenth century. Presbyterians trace their origin to John Calvin, however, the father of Presbyterianism is considered by many to be John Knox. The causes of Presbyterianism can be expressed through the meaning, history, and beliefs of it; on the other hand, the effects of this religion are represented throughout the past in history and what is to come in the future. (Ostendarp)
A definition of Presbyterian is as follows: “Presbyterianism is the name given to one of the groups of ecclesiastical bodies that represent the features of Protestantism emphasized by Calvin.” (McHugh) Calvinism was created by John Calvin and it was further developed by his followers and became the foundation of the Reformed church and Presbyterianism. Presbyterian denominations derive their name from the Greek word presbuteros, which means “elder”. There are no bishops in this religion; therefore, the church government or polity is run by the elders, who are known as Presbyters. All of the presbyters are equal in rank; although, they are divided into teaching elders and ruling elders. Teaching elders are the ministers or pastors, while the ruling elders are those members who make decisions regarding the operation and administration of the church. (Mckim)
The founder of this religion is believed to be John Knox; he is considered to be the greatest Reformer in the history of Scotland. John Knox was educated at St. Andrews University and was employed as a notary-priest during that time. Knox studied for the Catholic priesthood, yet it was his influence, above that of all others, that set the serious ethical tone of the Church of Scotland. The founder was influenced by John Calvin and Martin Luther, who were both leaders during the Protestant Reformation as well. The Protestant Reformation was an attempt by Martin Luther (and others) to reform the Roman Catholic Church; however, it turned into a much wider movement. (Hunter-Blair)
The basic beliefs of Presbyterianism are very similar to the other branches of Christianity. They believe that above all, God is supreme. Presbyterians see one God operating through three persons- Father, as the creator, son, as savior, and Holy Spirit as the giver of life. Presbyterians start off with the basic Apostles Creed, then the Bible; they believe that the Bible is the written word of God and it is the revelation of God’s truth and is perfect and respected in all matters of faith and practice. Presbyterians accept as truth that Jesus is God’s word in Human flesh. Salvation is by God alone as he sovereignly chooses those He will save. All are sinners and totally unable to save themselves from God’s displeasure, except for His mercy. His choice is based in His grace unaided through faith. Finally, Presbyterians believe strongly in doing good works and deeds; however, no salvation can bring salvation. (Fontana)
The effects of Presbyterianism can be expressed by important events and things throughout history and things that could have an impact on the future. First of all, in 1706, eight ministers met in Philadelphia and created the Presbytery of Philadelphia, which was the first Presbytery in the new world. The clergy assumed the freedom to arrange and the right to worship, preach and teach, and to administer sacrament. This was the start of the growth of the religion. After this, they adopted a constitution that included a form of government, known as the Presbytery Polity. As Joseph Fontana, the former pastor of Faison Presbyterian Church said “Our religion was one of the only religions that was for the Revolutionary War.” Presbyterians dominated American colonial life during that period of time. Presbyterians also made their way into the writing of the state and national constitutions. “Reformed Views of God’s sovereignty and of human sinfulness moved the new nation toward checks and balances and separation of powers.” (Ostendarp) Many of the former United States presidents were also Presbyterians. Since the sixteenth century, Presbyterianism has spread throughout the entire world. In places such as Asia, there is a congregation that claims to be the largest Presbyterian Church in the world. There are also congregations in England, Ireland, Whales, Latin American, and Africa. Over all, the effects of Presbyterianism have expanded all the way through history and probably will continue into the future.

btw- i still have to write the conclusion..

Answer 1

Hmmm. What grade are you- if you don't mind me asking? The vocabulary in this paper was good. But there's a small problem with clarity & unity. Throughout the paper your statements and passages usually go with each other, but you sometimes jump from one thing to the next without it naturally flowing into the next thing.



Where is the thesis statement? I'm not sure if the last sentence of your introduction was a thesis statement or not because it was very lengthy and your passages didn't always connect back to the thesis.



Here are a few nicks I found in the writing:

You wrote:

The effects of Presbyterianism can be expressed by important events and things throughout history and things that could have an impact on the future



My edit:

The effects of Presbyterianism can be expressed by important events, things throughout history, and things that in theory, could have an impact on the future.



ALSO: In an essay you should never use 'as follows'. Talking about your writing isn't very formal. Instead you should be confident in your statement and say: The definition of Presbyterian is: “Presbyterianism is the name given to one of the groups of ecclesiastical bodies that represent the features of Protestantism emphasized by Calvin.”



This is my personal proofing though, and if you don't believe in what I wrote that's okay. Maybe adds some different words than 'thing' because that's repetitive throughout.



Overall I would give this as of now mmm, an 80-85 as a grade. I thought it was a very good paper, very informative just be more confident in your writing. GOOD LUCK! I'm sure you'll get an awesome grade!

Answer 2

"Spell Check" will resolve your spelling problems. If you do not have it, it can be downloaded as a free download from Spell Check . Proof reading is one of the liberties which those who comment on poems take. One of the best proof readers is activated when you type your poem into Microsoft Word first. Though not foolproof is is a big help. Just copy and paste your poem after it is completed. Another way is to post your poem privately to someone who you can trust, then have them return it to you after it has been proof read. My regards Robert

Answer 3

on quick reading, i'd change "Christianity" to "the Protestant Church" in the first paragraph, as i don't see presby. to be a direct branch from Christianity (i would split this into Catholisism and Protestantism, then Protestanism into Presbyterianism etc.)



Also "Whales" is spelt "Wales", and i think Northern Ireland (seperate country) has a larger congregation than Irelang (republic) which is predominantly Catholic

Answer 4

This sounds like you copied and pasted it. IF you did not its really good . BUt at the beginning instead of saying in the 16th centruing say during

Answer 5

Well I think that this is very well written as far as a can see. I see no errors and if there are any they are small and unnoticeable, though I would separate you paragraphs better and indent them (Just in case you keep like it is typed I don't really know if you are or not).

Answer 6

It's great, I think I saw a few spelling mistakes but otherwise it's great. Good discriptions and I think you should start of the conclusion on where it might be in the future and what your feelings are on it. IT'S GOOD!

Answer 7

that looks long..